i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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