i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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