she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
