Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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