I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
