I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
