I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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