i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
