Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
