and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
