I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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