we're chasing vodka with high fives
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
