you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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