Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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