Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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