don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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