I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
No I am not eating basil off your cock
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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