his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
