So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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