When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
