Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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