I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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