i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
