So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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