Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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