you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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