Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I believe in your delicious
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
