I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
