Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
