I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
