Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
