where am i from again
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
