i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
