$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
