There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
