How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
