I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
