FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
