Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
