that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I want to fling myself into the sun
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
