honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I need to calm my uterus...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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