I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
