yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
