Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
