He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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