What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
