The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
