apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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