Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
