You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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