From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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