When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
