hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
