I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
