come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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